If any of us have ever had an opportunity to touch a moisturized toe inside of an aircraft, we know that traveling at times can be cumbersome and pretty freakin’ stressful. From rude staff, crowded airports, delays, awkward run-ins with that creepy dude you never hoped to see again, turbulence, screaming infants who probably work for Satan to sick neighbors who pretend they’ve never heard of goddamn Kleenex–the list could go as long as Naomi Campbell’s legs to almost make you never want to book a flight again.
While most of these situations unfortunately cannot be avoided, what can be controlled is one of the most crucial points leading up to this process and make our vodka filled lives slightly easier: PACKING.
So this is the part where I come in and am all like SURPRISE Y’ALL, I’M BAAAACCCCKKKKK!!
And with a sassy awesome new layout–HOLLA!
Then I twirl into some crazy lengthy story about like a stint in rehab, or a cute picture of a newborn, or a four month trip to Europe or a secret wedding….but it’s officially a new year, and I’m still the same little mess I left 2014 out of.
And while it was hands down the craziest 365 days of my current entire being, it was the most entertaining, most educating, emotional and thought provoking year. And I wouldn’t change a thing.
Well, except writing more blog posts.
Besides that MAJOR screw up, 2014 was a learning year, and when I didn’t have a drink in my hand, I definitely took notes.
Overall when it comes to reading advice on being forever alone single, dealing with men and dating/relationship advice, it normally goes in one little drunken ear and out the other.
Which the fact that I don’t pay much attention to any of these is most likely my problem today.
I just prefer to let life be the real teacher. Nothing can teach you like the experience of your own. And from random conversations with that one aunt.
While being told that wearing more camisoles and brightly colored cardigans will make you appear more friendly and less intimidating to latch you a man are eyeroll worthy, the advice columns about break-ups are usually the ones that are the fucking worst. Sure, some can be inspiring or thought provoking, but then there are others that troll in with advice like:
EAT YOUR FEELINGS
SPILL ALL THE DETAILS OF THE BREAK-UP
TAKE A SUPER WILD TRIP WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS
and the goddamn Nickelback worst:
GET UNDER A NEW GUY TO GET OVER THE OLD ONE
Now, I almost wish that this person that recently made news read at LEAST that hot mess bundle of advice, because she clearly didn’t read the ones that were for sane people. Let’s just call her….Felicia.
That’s 121,669 shades of NO DAMN MA’AM. In a span of seven days.
You should call NO ONE 77,639 times in one week. NOT. ONE. SOUL. Not work related people, not your mama, not your amazing sibling, not Jake from State Farm, not your best friend from childhood, not Tyrone, not your fabulous friend that gets even more fabulous after they’ve have a few cocktails, not the pizza place, not even on Jesus. He has enough on his plate, sis.
Clearly you never read a break up tip post-it let alone an actual column, or owned an Beyonce‘ album, or had a heart to heart with someone or been forced to watch He’s Just Not That Into You with a girlfriend on a drunken Saturday night.
So, thanks for the inspiration on breaking this down, and this is for you Felicia.
The pet debate on adding a little fur baby edition to my roof has been an ongoing scrimmage for a few years now.
Should I or shouldn’t I?
Shouldn’t I or should I?
Well, in the midst of summertime madness and most likely too much sunshine oozing into my brain cells, I’d decided that I definitely should take a jump into the kennel and become a pet mama….which only meant that naturally I’d live to regret that decision.
The MTV Video Music Awards are nowhere close to what they used to be. We know this. But every year we continue to watch and wait for at least one hair flipping glimmer of hope, and until then we turn to social media to help cope through it all.
If you experience in particular live Twitter, you must so during an awards show. There’s barely anything in this world better. Except for alcohol after a rough day. And day’s off. Early pay day deposits. Seeing an ex doing bad without you. A really good ass cheese platter. And an actual life.
Okay, so there’s a lot still greater but there’s no other way to spend the end of summer than wasting 3 hours to watch one of the most talked about events every year and The Beyonce’ concert VMAs was once again leaving topics, and tweets, up for discussion.