Sh*t We’ve Learned About Dating From Horror Films

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Over the weekend I got some down time to hit the theaters with friends and go see The Conjuringfor those of you unfamiliar it follows the story of the Warren couple who are also paranormal investigators whom step in to help a terrorized family from a dark presence at their new home.

Knowing anything about me one of the things high on the list is that I am a dedicated fan of the Horror genre basically since birth, and despite the fact that most releases lately have sucked, I had to go and check this film out front and center.

And I was not disappointed.

Based off of a true story (actually the Warren couple are behind the true story of The Amityville Horror as well), the film like most was slow in the beginning but definitely kept the tone of eerie throughout. The acting was on point and the scares delivered. Everyone, including myself for the first time, was hollering in that theater like a fool.

scaredI can watch things like Child’s Play all day, but put an antique doll in my face along with creepy old ladies in a house and there is a problem.

The film went on to gross $41.5 million over the weekend and it is solid proof that the Horror genre is not dead and that people still love a good story and to be scared.

But what I realized specifically after talking with a friend is that we live our own little Horror films in our everyday lives.


And of course, there are rules and things to be learned.

Don’t chase after anything but dreams and vodka shots. Let them do the chasing.

leatherface runPeople will bring out the worst in you. (Especially your exes).

carrieStage. Five. Clingers. Ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat!

scream let me love youNever split up. If you leave a friend or yourself unattended, you leave room for the creepers to come out and get you all. Possibly forever.

nightmare elm st snatchNobody likes a clown all the time.

pennywise clownOr ever.

Never ever, ever, let a rando or someone you’re casually dating convince you it’s okay to have sex without protection. It might feel good inital touch but then you could end up with something you can’t get rid of.

it hurtsOr equally as bad: KIDS.

pet semataryIf they still live at home with their parents, consider that Warning #1.

enter at your own riskEveryone CANNOT have your phone number.

nightmare elm st phoneOr know where you stay.

the strangersThe moment someone proves they are crazy, don’t ask to see prescriptions, sob stories or receipts from a therapist. Just trust it and run. And don’t look back.

tx chainsaw jump

Confidence is great, but there is such a thing as too into yourself.

paid and laidStop creeping on your ex and their new project. You’re only torturing yourself.

psycho no makeuppsycho no makeup2It’s a proven fact you are what you hang with. If all they hang with are sluts/douches, chances are they probably are one too.

clockwork orangeSexting is not the business.

horror sexy pic

If they’re jaded on relationships, leave them alone.

chuckyTheir family might not be the best people.

tx chainsaw familySometimes the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree, so know who you’re really dating before you make the next step like move in with them.

paranormal watchAnd no, three months is not really knowing someone.

paranormal gurlbyeWhen you’re not looking, everyone seems to want you.

zombiesDon’t force yourself to be something you’re not just for the sake of being with someone else. You’ll only get yourself in a big mess.

scream madHorror. It’s not just for a scare, but there are life lessons to this shit. WHO KNEW?!

The more you know….

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  • thefashionrealist
    July 22, 2013 at 7:31 pm

    Hahaha!!! Another great post!! I too am an avid fan of the horror genre. Also the gory genre…LOVE THAT SHIT!!! As I was going through the post I couldn’t but laugh at the choices of film and how hilariously scary they are/aren’t!! Good stuff 😉

    • Vodka&Cupcakes
      July 23, 2013 at 12:24 am

      Thank you! 🙂 YES!–I love them all, even the non-gory ones. Haha I had so much fun reliving these movies through gifs!

  • jumpeatrun
    July 22, 2013 at 8:33 pm

    haha…this is awesome! and so true!

  • Cowboys and Crossbones
    July 22, 2013 at 9:28 pm

    Fantastic post and fabulous tips! I need to pay more attention while viewing horror movies (I tend to squeeze my eyes shut while plugging my ears – but I love them!).

    • Vodka&Cupcakes
      July 23, 2013 at 12:25 am

      Thank you lol, my friend does the same and I always trick her when the worst is over haha.

  • J. Parker
    July 22, 2013 at 9:50 pm

    So funny and yet sooo true. You might even say it’s so true it’s… scary?
    /high hat

    Okay, I’ll stop being punny but seriously, GREAT post! 😀

    • Vodka&Cupcakes
      July 23, 2013 at 12:27 am

      LOL right?! Thank you!! 🙂

  • Laura Beth
    July 22, 2013 at 11:14 pm

    The entertainment never ceases!

  • Titillating Thoughts
    July 23, 2013 at 12:18 am

    I could never get into horror films. They get in my head.

    I like psychological thrillers though. Which is strange.

    Like Saw I. That was good.

    • Vodka&Cupcakes
      July 23, 2013 at 12:28 am

      They’re definitely not for everyone! Saw I was great.

  • Brokie B.
    July 24, 2013 at 3:45 am

    Absolutely brilliant and hilarious post!