It’s Never The One You Want.

/home1/vodkaan2/public html/wp content/uploads/2013/06/VodkaCupcakes 4

The other night I got to talk and catch up with a good girlfriend of mine and of course everything with a vagina’s favorite topic came up:


More specifically, the lack there of–or at least in the case of anything serious.

Listening to my friend’s current situation brought up the main underlining conclusion: IT IS NEVER THE ONE THAT YOU WANT. Sure, on TV and in movies, the girl always gets the guy but in real life–shit goes down further than a hoodrat at a Twerk Nation Convention.

twerk2No matter what, it’s always going to be something.

Friend Zone Captain

They like being around you, you like being around them. They make you laugh, you make them laugh harder because you are fucking hilarious and slightly insane, but in a good way. They’re not dating anyone or being a ho fo sho and are 99.6% sure they are playing for the opposing team because they don’t set your Gaydar off. But for some reason, they just don’t make a move. No matter what you do, say, wear or radiant of fucking awesomeness–nothing works.

sexy failAt all, and so much to the point that you being to question your own level of attractiveness, likeability and intellegence.

whats wrong with meBut it’s not you. In most cases, it’s usually fucking bullshit timing gets in the way.

/home1/vodkaan2/public html/wp content/uploads/2013/06/VodkaCupcakes TIME

You know what else gets in the way? WHORES.

judgingAnd exes. Usually theirs. I absolutely hate the whole “Oh I’m so hurt from the past” spill. EVERYONE HAS BEEN HURT. GET OVER YOUR DAMN SELF AND DEAL. Listen to some Adele or some Uncle Luke and get your life back on track. Chances are that ex is doing the same.

They’re a whore themselves.

They like you, they want you, but they don’t want anything serious because they “like their freedom” and you oddly put up with it.

adult sleepoverThey’re gay.

For the record, I’d totally put a ring on my bff.

chest bumpBut then he’d eventually run off to some fabulous vacation spot with a hot Latin guy and leave me with the bills so it’s probably for the best we just stay besties.

They don’t live anywhere close to you.

It would take a least a few hours for them to get to you but they want nothing more than to take you out and treat you as the rare awesome treasure that you are.

But you know who does live in town? Your ex. And his new gf in tow.

ex new gf

He’s so hot and he’s into you….but his main hobbies in life are “Sex, Drugs and Dubstep”.


The only real people that are constantly available and super interested are the ones you don’t want:

The trolls.

creepy dudeor your friend’s uncle, who is constantly breathing on your social media pictures. Like you can almost feel the perspiration.

No Face

Along with that weird guy you went to high school with or the one that always finds his way over to your area at work.

Or the friend that always tries to get a little too friendly.


Recently someone suggested I try online dating so I can “put myself out there more and connect”. UMM IF THESE FUCKERS CAN’T SEE I’M AWESOME FROM REAL LIFE, FACEBOOK, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM AND THIS BLOG MAYBE I JUST NEED TO GIVE UP AND START MY CAT COLLECTION.

cat personIt’s not going to happen.

plus with my luck I’d end up on Investigation Discovery somewhere.

boyfriend never let goGuys. Get your shit together. Otherwise I don’t know about the rest of my single friends but I’m going to have to start taking other measures.

becoming a lesbian

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  • Ena Teo Jia En
    June 28, 2013 at 3:48 pm

    HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG babe this is so epic if I could I would like it 100x over. <3 Sending love, light and magic potion so your way. May the right guy come to you! x

    • Vodka&Cupcakes
      June 28, 2013 at 6:15 pm

      Thank you, I’m going to need it!haha

  • shoedooo
    June 28, 2013 at 4:29 pm

    This is me. This is my life! I was recently friendzoned and was like what a dumb a**! These F—ers need to get it together so my love can flourish. Oh wells, at least I have my looks, and my adorable Yorkie. Oh and to the guy who told me he wished me the best in my love life endeavors after friendzoning me suck a !!!!

    • Vodka&Cupcakes
      June 28, 2013 at 6:16 pm

      Ugh it sucks. One of these days we’ll get it right! 🙂 If not…there’s always cats. And yorkies haha.

      • shoedooo
        June 28, 2013 at 6:54 pm


  • kimberlyakinola
    June 28, 2013 at 6:18 pm

    funny gifs.

  • ksvirtue
    June 28, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    Kinda graphic but Incredibly Funny!! As someone who almost turned down the dude who “was just ok” (**he ended up being my husband**), I’d say maybe don’t completely shut the door on the guy who always “finds his way over to your area at work.” Sometimes you may find they’re really great guys. Unless they are indeed “trolls.” Lol.

    • Vodka&Cupcakes
      June 28, 2013 at 9:11 pm

      Well thank you! Graphic is my middle name.

      And this guy is not necessarily a troll as opposed to just creepy haha.

  • nakedtypewriter
    June 28, 2013 at 10:24 pm

    Ummmm is that Hugh Laurie in that last gif?!?!

    • Vodka&Cupcakes
      June 29, 2013 at 12:11 pm

      According to Google, yes!lol

  • Mammu
    June 29, 2013 at 7:10 am

    Hahhhhhahhahha that was great! I’ve been with my husband for 8 years but that was so great to read and brought back some memories 😀 And your gifs are just da bomb!

    • Vodka&Cupcakes
      June 29, 2013 at 12:19 pm

      Thank you! Aww you and your husband give me hope!haha

  • VirgoMind
    July 2, 2013 at 3:39 am

    You summed it up so lovely! Def made me laugh bc it’s so true.