The other night I got to talk and catch up with a good girlfriend of mine and of course everything with a vagina’s favorite topic came up:
More specifically, the lack there of–or at least in the case of anything serious.
Listening to my friend’s current situation brought up the main underlining conclusion: IT IS NEVER THE ONE THAT YOU WANT. Sure, on TV and in movies, the girl always gets the guy but in real life–shit goes down further than a hoodrat at a Twerk Nation Convention.
Friend Zone Captain
They like being around you, you like being around them. They make you laugh, you make them laugh
harder because you are fucking hilarious and slightly insane, but in a good way. They’re not dating anyone or being a ho fo sho and are 99.6% sure they are playing for the opposing team because they don’t set your Gaydar off. But for some reason, they just don’t make a move. No matter what you do, say, wear or radiant of fucking awesomeness–nothing works.
You know what else gets in the way? WHORES.
And exes. Usually theirs. I absolutely hate the whole “Oh I’m so hurt from the past” spill. EVERYONE HAS BEEN HURT. GET OVER YOUR DAMN SELF AND DEAL. Listen to some Adele or some Uncle Luke and get your life back on track. Chances are that ex is doing the same.
They’re a whore themselves.
They like you, they want you, but they don’t want anything serious because they “like their freedom” and you oddly put up with it.
For the record, I’d totally put a ring on my bff.
They don’t live anywhere close to you.
It would take a least a few hours for them to get to you but they want nothing more than to take you out and treat you as the rare awesome treasure that you are.
But you know who does live in town? Your ex. And his new gf in tow.
He’s so hot and he’s into you….but his main hobbies in life are “Sex, Drugs and Dubstep”.
The only real people that are constantly available and super interested are the ones you don’t want:
Along with that weird guy you went to high school with or the one that always finds his way over to your area at work.
Or the friend that always tries to get a little too friendly.
Recently someone suggested I try online dating so I can “put myself out there more and connect”. UMM IF THESE FUCKERS CAN’T SEE I’M AWESOME FROM REAL LIFE, FACEBOOK, TWITTER, INSTAGRAM AND THIS BLOG MAYBE I JUST NEED TO GIVE UP AND START MY CAT COLLECTION.
plus with my luck I’d end up on Investigation Discovery somewhere.