Trainwreck Ever After

For those of you with a likewise lack of money management skills for cable and an unstable addiction to which is the mess that is the Lifetime Network, you would know that Britney Ever After premiered last night.

The biopic, unauthorized and the topic of Twitter’s obsession, covered the infamous rise and downfall of one Miss Britney Jean Spears.

And y’all, it was bad.

Like, 2007 bad.

And like most things that are hard to decipher thought where to start to explain exactly HOW bad of a train wreck it is, you just have to start at the beginning.

Who the elf is Natasha Bassett and how do we return her?

Casted full of randoms, the eyes were definitely on the starring role, clinging in place by Australian actress Natasha Bassett–no notable correlation to the queen that is Angela Bassett. And too bad, because homegirl definitely should have picked up the Android and phoned in some relative advice on how to slay a biopic.  What’s Love Got To Do With It, anyone?

The performance, to summarized the details, was cringe-worthy and false. Flava-Flav could have pulled a better act.

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